This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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