Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
