4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You're completely useless in the revolution.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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