I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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