DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
