I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
