I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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