She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
