Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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