State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
