my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
