i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
