I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
