omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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