Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
