do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
