You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
