You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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