I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can Purell be used as lube?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
