went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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