Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
