Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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