Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
