Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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