I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
"it" just moved
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
