yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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