the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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