So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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