If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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