Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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