Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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