"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
