So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
worst night to have a conscience
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
