im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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