He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
