but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
