he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
