WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
