Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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