so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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