Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
