She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
