so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
