HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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