I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
