Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
