but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
