is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
