i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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