I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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